Naraku's Day Out
by Mihiru
Summary: He can't be evil 24/7... Can he? -oneshot- Honest, it's not as bad as it sounds!


_This Is Your Song. Let Me Teach You The Words._ 12/18/07

**A/N: **I got this idea from listening to Naraku in both English and Japanese, and finding that Naraku sounds pretty damn sleazy in both. (But English Naraku makes me think he's trying to violate InuYasha & friends with his voice alone.)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own InuYasha. (Also forgive the the commas.)

Because seriously, I'd have Kikyou get her ass STOMPED by Kagome. Like So:

* * *

- _Kikyou stared longingly at InuYasha as he gazed regretfully back._

_"InuYasha.. I want you.. to go to hell with me." murmured the undead priestess, reaching slowly towards the hanyou._

_"Kikyou.. I-" The words were stopped short as a slap sent InuYasha stumbling away from his past love, the mark already swelling and red._

_Kagome glared at the young demon clutching his cheek in surprise. The school girl grabbed his collar and shook him roughly._

_"InuYasha.." Kagome began softly, "What'd I tell you? Didn't we have this talk before?"_

_"Y-y-yes, Kagome." He quavered._

_"What'd I say?" She pressed, giving him a particularly hard shake._

_"D-d- 'Don't let me c-catch you even talking to that d-dead ho o-o-or I'll f-fuck you up'..?" He stammered fearfully, tears beginning to form in his scared amber eyes._

_"Good boy! That's right, but I can see it isn't your fault COMPLETELY.. So I'll let you off lightly tonight." sneered Kagome as she snuffed him to the ground before turning slowly, sinisterly towards the bewildered ex-miko. "But, YOU... You are one twice dead bitch."_

_In a flash of movement this confrontation comes to an end._

_Kikyou stumbled, surprised, to the ground clutching her stomach, souls quickly rushing out from the deep wound placed there, her tainted clay body purified. Kagome tucked the switchblade back in her sleeve, smiling sweetly at the emptying corpse woman._

_Sneeringly, the time traveler whispered, "Don't play me, skank. He's MINE." as Kikyou stilled for the last time._

_Kagome slapped InuYasha upside the head and then told him "to get his sweet ass back to camp before she sticks her foot up it." -_

(WHEEE! Merry Christmas to you all:D No, that was NOT the fanfiction.)

_ - **Starting the Machine, Boss** -_

* * *

The demon Naraku was in a very good mood. He felt at ease with the world, with no wish to further taint the nearly completed shikon no tama and the bystanders involved with it. Instead he took to walking the halls of his castle, looking for someone to share his good mood.

Alas, he can find no one but Kanna, which is a moot point; as on her worse/better days, she appears to be catatonic: standing where placed, in whatever position she'd been placed. (Naraku personally finds it adorable to have her be a "little tea pot", with a curved arm in the air and one held akimbo on her hip, tilted just so) and Kagura, who rolled her eyes and slammed the sliding door to her room in his face (and turned her music up, blasting that new fangled biwa music).

Sighing, he leaves his castle, searching good company and perhaps a nice knish.

Flying ahead of his entourage of saimyoshou on a poisonous purple cloud, he spots an innocent young farm girl fanning her blistered feet and taking a break from hauling cows or rice or little old ladies to market. Deciding she looks gullible enough to talk to a stranger shrouded in shadows, he sidles up to her noiselessly.

Smiling slyly, Naraku purrs, "Good day, miss.. Lovely weather we are having, hmmm..?"

The young woman hearing a voice way too smooth to mean her -or anyone- any good turns slowly towards the voice's owner.

The poor woman froze in place, pale and in a cold sweat, unanswering.

'Oh no..' She thinks, eyeing Naraku's fine clothes 'A young lord.. Maybe he's _not_ one of the crazed with power types.'

Hesitatingly, she glances up into his eyes, noting that they are unmistakably (evil and) red. She breathes a sigh of relief and relaxes an iota.

"Oh thank goodness, I thought you were a feudal lord's son, and you're just a demon. Whew!" The farm girl blurts out.

An elegant eyebrow arches, intrigued.

"Well, what a strange thing to say. Now then, how are you today..?" He drawled, shifting in the afternoon shadows.

The woman shuddered. How can such an.. _innocent_ question be said in a way that made her feel like getting a restraining order?

'Whatever_ that _is.' Wonders the bewildered farmhand, smiling nervously at the demon patiently awaiting her answer.

"Eerr.. Fine, sir. A-and you?" Awkwardly stammers the unfortunate woman, foolishly tangling her self into a full blown conversation with an extremely manipulative demon.

"Why, just.. _DANDY.., _Yes. Dandy, thanks." 'Dandy' is a word that should never feel menacing, let alone _lewd_. "Are your feet alright? I see you fanning them."

"O-oh! They're just a bit roughed up is all. Eh he he he..! Well, I'm done taking my break! B-back to work for little ole me!" Says the farm woman valiantly trying to free herself.

"Why not _relax_ a little bit longer.. there isn't any rush, now is there?"

Was it her imagination or was there something very scary about that 'relax'? Naraku gave a small smile.

"Tell me about your day, miss.. _All about it_. Ku ku ku ku.. "

She took off running. Naraku stared at the empty seat next to him. Her sandals teetered to a stop, still bearing the imprints of her toes.

Naraku pondered.

He pondered about the young miss' odd reaction. He pondered whether or not he should continue to look for a good conversation. He pondered where he could get a nice knish at 1 PM in the wilderness of Feudal Japan. Or a nice pot of honey.

Shrugging, Naraku decides to watch the clouds for a bit.

After a while of watching shaped clouds, the rush hour began and thus, a few more failed attempts of social interaction:

a small child running errands, who he regaled with a few very mild, morally inclined, well known folk tales.

The child ran screaming into the arms of an oni passing by (who looked astounded with Naraku's nerve at speaking so _LEWDLY _ to a youngster), the child was spoken to with calming words and sent on his way.

Then the oni; who tried to soundly scold the one and only Naraku. He walked trembling back to his lair, wondering why he felt he should try to scrub off Naraku's cool voice from his skin. (He tried. But he could never get clean. **NEVER**!)

Then, there was the merchants passing through, who instead of selling him any thing, ran fearfully (_politely detached_ themselves from the conversation, if anyone asked) from his rather menacing inquiries.

Truly, "What are you selling today?" should _not_ sound as a threat on not only _your_ life, but the life of anyone you've been in contact with.

Let us not remember the monks.. SCANDALOUS.

Wandering blithely to their next tip off on the search for shards, InuYasha and friends stop in shock to see the terrible Naraku sitting on a bench, minding his own business.

"NARAKU!" shouted Sango, "What are you doing here?!"

Without looking at them, Naraku murmurs sinisterly, "Your mother."

And all returned to normal, as InuYasha and Naraku clashed most mightily, what with the very annoying regeneration and the "Sankon Tessou!" and the blood and the menacing taunts and InuYasha LOSING.. _**yadda yadda yadda**_.

A good day indeed.

* * *

Awww.. that was HORRIBLE. I'm sorry I put anyone through that.

Review anyway.


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